This is a new weekly editorial in which Dump Digest will be honoring those who are idiots.
2nd Place -
9 year old Brian Green of Toledo, Ohio, Congratulations! You are a moron! You lost the camp spelling bee to a 7 year old because you couldn't remember the P in raspberry. Even though your dad, who nominated you for this award by the way, went over this word with you six times and it was placed twice in your stack of index cards. You've embarrassed your family and friends. You deserve all the tormenting you will receive in the next week. (Don't beat yourself up too bad, there will be a place for you here at DD when you graduate.)( And don't be reading this and bring up all our grammar mistakes, because you don't know where commas go either.)
1st Place -
21 year old Marvin Saunders of Jenkintown, Pa, Congratulations! You are a moron! You just spent 4 years and $40,000 learning how to drink at Penn State, and you were still making out with a toilet bowl late last Friday. All that education and you still thought that after twelve beers, three unidentified fruit drinks, and some nachos you just found at the bar, a "Car Bomb" was a good idea . You should be ashamed of yourself and stick to the pledge you made the following morning and "Never drink again".