Friday, July 29, 2005

Bush's New Plan to Save Social Security. Sell Montana and North Dakota.

In a bold new plan to find the money to save Social Security, Pesident George Bush has announced a bill to sell Montana and North Dakota. He has set the selling price at 4 bizillion dollars.
"Me and my advisors have thought long and hard, and this seems to be the only way to save Social Security." said Bush in a speech at a Washington Elementary School. "I thought of selling a state, namely Washington D.C., but then I realized the cost of moving The White House building to another place would nullify what we were trying to do. So I looked at a map and that's when I saw two huge pieces of land I didn't even know were there. The natives call these areas North Dakota and Montana. And apparently we own them...Well not for long I hope."
Bush was then told by a fourth grader at the school that these were in fact states. To which Bush replied away from the mic, " They are states? Goddamn Gutierrez and Gonzales!" He then gained his composure and turned back to the mic and added," Yes-- they are states, but let's be real America, are they united-- states? Because I don't believe they are. And that's why they belong in some place like Canada." Bush went on for another four minutes trying to cover his blunder by explaining why these two states no longer belong in the union.
A vote in congress on the bill is scheduled for next Tuesday. All senators and congressman are currently against the bill, except for those from Montana and North Dakota, who, after today's speech, are not sure they even want to be in the union anymore.


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