Monday, August 15, 2005

Annual Goth BBQ Ruined by Gnat Swarm. Reporter's Day Ruined By Goths.

His shirt read 100% PURE GOTH. However, for Jeremy "Mystique" Johnson(pictured) and his friends, it was a moment of 100% PURE HELL.
The group of black-clad teens joined together for their annual celebration "Goth Get-Along". A celebration Johnson described as being, "Hatred for the "system" which created a media-distorted portrayal of how the world is so great in so many ways, but really we, we goths , we know the sick reality that is the reality of what real really is...blah...blah..blah.." Sorry, that's where I lost him and started to daydream about ripping his piercings out one by one. God these kids are annoying when they get talking about serious stuff.
So this year's gathering was going splendid. That is until a small truck transporting lab gnats ran off the road nearby the crowd of 12 unguided teens. The truck lost its cargo right by their BBQ pit. The gnats began annoying everyone by going in all sorts of crevices and body parts.
"It was horrible, I've never seen any of us run before, ever. Jeremy was running around screaming and crying, well I thought he was crying because his mascara was running, but I forgot he paints his "black tears" on his face on Saturdays to symbolize the tears that are stolen from innocent kids by the "system"-controlled media machine for profit of the greed obssessed corporations," said the increasingly annoying girlfriend of Johnson who only went by the name Angelust(pictured,center).
I immediately left Angelust after that sentence to try to find someone who could go more than a sentence without going into an idiotic political rant. I found that person in Lazurus the Red (AKA Melvin Hinklefecker).
"You know, it's a shame. We only get together like this once a year. We play badmidton, make s'mores, and have fun. These gnats weren't like killer bees or anything but they weren't pleasant," said Lazurus. " I had to blow a snot rocket to get them out of my nose. I embarrased myself in front of that cute girl with the giant lip plate and pentagram tattoo on her neck. At least I wasn't as embarrassed as those brainwashed, pop-music loving, corporation run puppets I see in school everyday; wearing their GAP jeans, sipping their iced lattes."
Five sentences...that's it...five sentences. That was the longest one of them could make it all day. Jesus, why are you so sad? You're only teenagers. Life gets a lot suckier. Enjoy your teen years, they may be your best.
Anyway my day was ruined, so I put on my Banana PJ's, laid down on my IKEA futon, and ate Godiva ice-cream while watching a rerun of Friends. Life is Good.

2 Comments:

At 11:41 PM, Blogger Kate said...

I wonder why most of them look so dirty? Do they bathe?

 
At 12:27 AM, Blogger e said...

that tupperware and those paper plates are SOOOOOOO alternative

 

Post a Comment

<< Home

Blogarama - The Blog Directory Best blogs on politics