Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Bush Nominates "Texas Justice" Judge Larry Joe Doherty for Supreme Court Justice.

On Monday, Bush nominated Larry Joe Doherty, of TV's Texas Justice fame, for Supreme Court Justice. This comes as a shock as last month Bush had nominated U.S. Circuit Judge John Roberts Jr. for the post.

President Bush said he is finally putting his foot down against what he calls "Yankee Baby-Pullers"(pro-choicers), "Homociders"(murderers), and "My Pals"(corrupt corporate execs). His final solution to mold America's laws in the fashion of his religious ideals is justice--TEXAS JUSTICE!

" I thought John Roberts was my choice, I really did America," said Bush from his Texas ranch, "But Larry Joe Doherty is cool. Real cool. He wears jeans under his robe he's so cool. Roberts wears Dockers under his. LAME! Larry Joe's tough America. Real tough on crime. Like the other day on his show, this lady Betty Joe owed her cousin $125; so she stole it from the cousin and then paid the cousin back the $125 she just stole from him. Larry Joe was like 'Are you an idiot, mam? Do you think we are all stupid! Pay your cousin back $250 and get the hell out of my court!' It was awesome America."

Bush went on to list Doherty's other qualifications for the post. "He's from Texas. He wears a cool cowboy hat. He must be good because he's on right after Moesha reruns on UPN. He went to law school, and that's more than you can say for Clarence Thomas(CT did in fact go to law school ). Also, Larry Joe never dropped his pubes on some hottie's diet soda like Clarence Thomas did, and we let him be a Justice."

The media hounded Bush for ten minutes with questions about Doherty not really being qualified legally for the post, but Bush was not hearing it. So Bush left the crowd by sliding across the hood and then jumping in his new General Lee. Bush bought the car on a whim last week after seeing the new Dukes of Hazzard movie.

Dump Digest overheard a Bush assistant talking and found out Bush's nomination of Larry Joe is just another side effect of Bush's viewing of the Dukes of Hazzard. They expect him to come to his senses sometime next week when VP Cheney visits the President at his ranch.


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