Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Santa Claus to be Tried for Nazi War Crimes.

Santa at a concentration camp in 1943,
making sure no menorahs were being lit.

Santa Claus will be tried in Geneva next week for war crimes he allegedly committed while a lieutenant in Hitler's Third Reich.

Mr Claus, who then went by Heinrich Klauss, is believed to be the mastermind behind a Nazi propaganda campaign to rid Europe of Chanukah, which he believed was drawing attention away from his time in the spotlight.

The propaganda campaigns included the installment of Santa Soldiers in malls across the world. These soldiers would don Santa uniforms and force parents to have their children sit on Santa's lap and have their pictures taken with him. Parents were then forced to buy wallet sized photos of the pictures and carry them in their wallets as a reminder to never cross Santa and celebrate Chanukah, or their children will be shot. This practice is still very common today, without the mass killing of children of course.

Other propaganda included posting Santa on everything from dinner napkins to Coca-Cola bottles, just as a reminder that Santa was everywhere.

Another way of instilling fear in those who thought of celebrating Chanukah was through the introduction of Santa Loyalty Anthems. Such as :

"He knows when you are sleeping, He knows when you're awake.
(translation : big brother-a.k.a Santa-is watching you)
He knows when you been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake
(translation: don't celebrate Chanukah or Santa's soldiers will kill you).

Santa Claus has denied all allegations and has guaranteed that this trial will not affect any duties he has planned for December 25th. Santa's henchmen , the Elves, have also declined comment.


At 12:17 AM, Anonymous Kat said...

Merry Christmas Burt!


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