Friday, November 11, 2005

Satan Wins Huge Copyright Lawsuit.

California-- Satan (on right, with his attorney Dark Lord Adolf Hitler) was granted a $32,000,000,000,000 award when he was victorious in a copyright lawsuit against some of the world's largest corporations. Satan sued over 40 companies that used his name or likeness for products. Listed as major defendants were Drake's Cakes, for their Devil Dogs cakes; Royal Appliance Mfg. Co., for their Dirt Devil vacuums; and Smith Detergents Inc., for their Satan Baby line of baby products.

Satan had documented proof that in 1836, he copyrighted the use of the names Satan, devil, Lucifer, Beelzebub, and any other name referencing Satan. He also trademarked all past and future illustrations. With stipulation they be approved by him first. Thousands of companies infringed on this trademark, except for the Elmo character on Sesame Street, which was named and modeled, with permission, after Satans' childhood nickname and appearance.

" It's nice to see that you can still get a fair trial in America, even if you are the Prince of Darkness.", said Satan, in a post trial news conference. "It really wasn't about the money, sure it's nice, but this was about my image. When people think Satan or devil, I don't want them to think about a clean carpets or cleaning a baby's ass. ...(Satan's phone rings)....'Hello. No..no I am at a press conference..I will call you back...Okay! Skim milk and Boca Burgers. I know honey, it's on the list, do you think I am stupid?....I know you didn't say that I was, but wouldn't I have to be....I'll call you later.... I love you, too.' ... Excuse me. Oh Yes..I want people to worship me whole-heartedly, for which I will reward them with lavish gifts and opportunity in their mortal lives. I want to be feared by those who dare cross me. I want my image to be the image of evil and eternal damnation. I am The Prince of Darkness, Ruler of the Damned, King of the Underworld!"

When asked what he will spend the money on, Satan said he will donate some to dictators' armies and also donate to The United Al-queada College Fund, as well as the legal defense of some of America's most corrupt business executives.

3 Comments:

At 9:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

seriously, where do you come up with this. Love your site. I've been laughing my ass off for the past hour about satan's phone call. do another Lamb Chop also that shit was hysterical.

 
At 10:08 PM, Blogger Kitty said...

Better than sex. I'll be sure to include you in my daily reading materials. Clearly, your parents should have named you "TV" because you have the power to amuse for hours.

 
At 2:45 PM, Blogger Stacy said...

That was quacktastic! Seriously, I think your stuff is way better than the Onion. Oh man...stop my sides...really!

 

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