(Stanley stuck in rain)
Stanley Johnson, 35, got extremely religious on Tuesday when his car stalled at work. He began praying to God for help starting the car.
"Well the car was not turning over and it was raining pretty bad. Now I don't ask the "Big Guy" for much, so I thought now would be an okay time to call in a favor. I was like 'Please God, just help me this once, you know I don't ask for much. Please start my car God, I'll even go to church this Sunday.' So I turned the key. Nothing. Turned it again. Nothing," said Stanley.
When God did not answer his prayer Stanley turned his back on God.
"I was like "Sh*t! Goddamn stupid Mo**er F*****! Of all the Goddamn times this could happen. Jesus Christ just help me out for crying out loud!', " expalined Stanley describing his reaction to God's rejection of help. " I mean it's not like I ask him for stuff all the time. I don't ask him to help me get rich or help me sleep with the hot girl at work. Just desperate little things like starting my car or helping me beat murder charges, which he helped me out big time with. Thanks again for that God."
Dump Digest tracked down God in New Orleans where he was helping recede the water right before he went back to help earthquake victims in Pakistan.
"Stanley who? Listen I got Earthquakes, mudslides, Hurricanes, an AIDS epidemic, an a whole bunch of other crap to worry about. I don't do car starts. That's why I created AAA; To help me out with crap prayers like that. Stanley, why don't you just use those two wonderful gifts I created for you called feet, and walk to a frickin' bustop. You lazy sack of waste. And by the way, it was Satan who helped you with that murder charge. He created defense attorneys so by default, you'll have to thank him. You'll have plenty of time to thank him when you burn in hell for killing that hooker in Reno."
God has also asked Dump Digest to post this message for him:
Leave me alone with the Bullsh*t Prayers! Okay.
