n perhaps the worst idea ever, President Bush has came up with a plan to turn New Orleans into one giant waterpark with admission going directly to the Red Cross Hurricane relief effort."S
uper Fun Waterworld is only going to open until the water is gone. It's not like it's going to be a permanent structure, " said Bush to a mob of angry reporters. " Operating costs of the park will be close to zero because the water is already there and so are all the exciting rides. Speaking of the rides their is going to be Sailboat Falls
where you can shoot down one of the levees on your giant wood sailboat. Then there is Driftwood River
, a lazy river ride where you simply float around the park on driftwood. And then you can ride around on metal Ski-Doos
and fight against water pirates trying to steal your clean water. And Dennis Hopper will be there, and also that chick from The Firm
, too. All the proceeds from admission go directly to the Red Cross."
Bush ignored all questions surrounding hepititis, bacteria, dead bodies, disease, and death."I
don't even know what to say, except I cannot believe this man is seriously the leader of the free world," said irrate mother of two Laura Bush. " To think I actually married this man and brought children that are half-him into this world. It makes me sick that I actually sleep next to him once a month."
The White House released this statement exactly ten minutes after Bush's impromptu news conference detailing his plan:
"President Bush would like to apologize for his plan. He was simply throwing out all possible ideas for relief aid. While he realizes how insensitive he was being, he would like to place all the blame on Kevin Costner. Mr. Bush just watched Waterworld for the 800th time this morning. Mr. Costner's smooth portrayel of the lead character made the President wish he could live in Waterworld. So there you have it, blame Kevin Costner."