Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Rookie Gets a No-Hitter

(Joey Banks Gets a Double in first)

Simon Avery, 16, may be the first person ever, let alone a rookie, to get a no-hitter in mailbox baseball history.

Avery was very excited after passing his driver’s license test. He figured a celebratory joy ride with his friends was not only called for, but needed. After everyone was loaded in the ’84 Corolla, it wasn’t long before the shenanigans started.

“We were like, yelling at girls, spitting at cars, you know…guy sh*t,” said Mark Sample, who initially had “shotgun”. Joey Gordon concurred, “You can only get flipped off by so many girls before you want to hit something. That’s when I suggested we play mailbox baseball.”

Simon had no idea how to play, but acted like he did so as not to embarrass himself. “I was great,” said Simon. “Swerving for curveballs, hitting the gas for fastballs. I even slid on some leaves for a slider. Couldn’t figure out how to do a change-up, though.” Simon figured something was up after the 3rd inning when his friends starting laughing.

“Nobody told me the point was to let them hit the mailboxes,” Simon said. “Not even Joey, and I covered for him when he sh-arted in school yesterday. I’m so ashamed. And angry. I should kick Joey right in that dirt ass of his.”

No one was injured during the hijinks, at least not physically; Because I know you are really dying on the inside. Aren’t you Simon?

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

Reported and Written by Field Reporter Sheen Dimsdale


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