Monday, September 12, 2005

Rodney Pinkerton's Thoughts on....The Gas Prices

Rodney Pinkerton's Thoughts on.... is a new editorial section from the mind of the annoying guy that has to tell me his retarded ideas and theories about the world while I take the bus to work. He reminds me of that really annoying person in your class that would answer every question with such conviction and smugness whether he knew the answer or not. Usually he only pretends to know. I have tried to take other buses to get away from him but he waits for me now. Unless I walk the fifteen miles I am stuck hearing them. So now are you if you choose to read them.

You know what I think? I think these gas prices suck. Yeah you heard me, I said the s-word. But I am angry, so forgive me. I don't know why they are so high, I mean everyone knows that Kimono Dragons urinate oil. Why don't we just set up shop in Kimono and refine the dragons' urine into gasoline? Why not? Because the secretly government-funded PETA and other groups don't want us to exploit the precious animals.

Also Exxon and Shell have recently begun work on a new form of energy. It is called "Solar Energy". These mad geniuses are actually harvesting energy from the Sun's rays. If ever found out and perfected, the oil companies would be obsolete, and Oil Co. Execs would have no front to go to Saudi Arabia and bet on Camel Races.

Lastly I end with this. The gas companies have inflated prices so that when the price of oil goes down, everybody will be happy to pay $2.25 for a gallon. The price we were complaining about less than a year ago, will be the price we will be elated to pay. It's all a sneaky way for big oil to ultimately raise the price without customer dissatisfaction.

I know what I have said is a lot to take in. So just read it over again, slowly. My intellect is sometimes beyond those of "normal people" so email Dump Digest if you have any questions or need anything explained.

(DD is aware it's Komodo dragon, but Rodney doesn't.)


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