Tuesday, January 24, 2006

NASA Rovers Discover Wasted Funds on Mars.

(For $100, NASA coulda taken a cab to the
desert for this shot)

NASA rovers on Mars made an important discovery on the Red Planet this week. More rocks and dust. This is the 369th straight day that the rovers have found rocks and dust on Mars. While no water or life has been found on Mars yet, NASA scientists have great hopes for the near future of their Mars mission.

"While we have only found small rocks and dust so far, we believe there are bigger and better things that we have not yet discovered on Mars, " said Dr. Bill Fields of NASA, " Most notably, bigger rocks....and better dust. Much larger and finer than the rocks and dust we have previously found ."

Much criticism has come to the Mars mission; mostly by Parent Groups who believe the Mars mission's money could be put to better use. Dr. Fields responded to this criticism.

"We could waste money feeding the poor or rebuilding our schools, or we can put that money into something really necessary. Mars Rocks! I don't mean that Mars does Rock...it totally does by the way... I mean the precious mineral rocks of Mars that are indeed more important than some silly three year old who hasn't eaten in a week. You know what? Mars Rocks don't even need school...Or food. All they need is money. Lots of money. Without money, how would NASA find more? We wouldn't. And who would want to live in a world without Mars Rocks? Not me people."

We later ensured Dr. Fields that he did, in fact, live in a world without Mars Rocks. To which he responded by jumping out of the window to commit suicide. What a sad day for NASA. One of its scientists, whose theories on Mars have cost taxpayers billions of dollars, actually thought he could die from jumping out of a first floor window. Our case rests.


At 8:53 AM, Anonymous Kat said...

Red Rover, Red Rover, I call the expensive mission to Mars over!

At 10:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for bringing us this story, Burt.

by the way, you really need to do stand up.


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