Friday, January 13, 2006

Office Jerk Provides Proof Someone Loves Him.

(Al addressing co-workers)
Anyone at Dunglee Mortgage will tell you, Al Mays is a jerk. He is known around the office as the guy who looks for the bad side to any positive. He is always there to provide an inappropriate quip to ruin your good moments. It has been said many times by many people, "I hate you Al, and so does everyone else. No one loves you. You are a jerk."

On Thursday Al got tired of everyone thinking that nobody loves him and he decided to do something about. He brought in proof.

"Here they are people," shouted Al at the entire office as he shuffled through his proof, "Birthday cards...Christmas cards...Valentine's Day's an Earth Day card for crying out loud! All addressed to me and signed, "Love Mom". You hear that people, "Love Mom"! So next time you all wanna talk crap about me not getting any love, just take a look at these posted on my cubicle, and shove your false comments up your a**."

Everyone at the office listened to Al and took ten good seconds to digest it, then went back to work. Later we talked to Al's co-workers to get their take on Al's proof.

"I used to think Al was a jerk. Now I know he is a jerk...and a moron. Al Mays is a moronic jerk," said Betty Mack in accounting.

"Who the hell sends an Earth Day card? Al's mom is retarded. No wonder that guy's an idiot," said Martin Freebush in IT.

"I saw those cards. Al signed those himself. That ass used the Star Trek symbol to dot his i's. I went to his apt. once, that place is Star Dork wall-to-wall. His mom is like 85, she doesn't know the Star Trek symbol, " said Harry Ashlique, Al's boss.

Al had this to say about Harry's theory, " Harry doesn't even know, okay! My mom sent those cards. He is just mad because his mom hasn't love him since he revealed that he is gay and marrying a Jewish guy. Double no-no for little catholic boy. I have set up an apology box for sorry notes from those who said I was not loved. I will be expecting one from everyone, so just drop it off anytime."


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