Thursday, April 27, 2006

Roadwork Employee Takes Time-Out From Cellphone to Fill "Stupid" Pothole.

Darrell Thompson, 22, a roadwork crewmember in Denver, Colorado was quite annoyed on Monday when pressure from a**hole drivers forced him to take time away from talking on his cellphone to fill in a pothole that he was given all day to fill in.

"I just started at 8:00am, and it was only 11:00am at the time. So I am talking to my girl on the phone about developmental drugs that help ease rhumatoid arthritis, when all of a sudden some jerks who were too impatient to wait in the backed up traffic like everyone else started honking and yelling; saying something like ' Hey buddy, they paying you to talk on the phone? Let's get this done already.'," said Darrell.

" I was pissed man. They don't understand. My boss gave me till 5pm to get that hole done. What am I supposed to do? Fill in the pothole before 2pm? Then what? Go back to the office? Sh*t no! I get done early, my boss is going to make me do some other job. I ain't doin' 2 jobs in one day. That crap keeps happening, we're going to run out of holes and they might find out they don't really need me."

"I'd like to see them do my job. Let's see how they like to sit out in the hot sun all day, getting only $18/hour to do our job. Do they even know how hard it is to act like your doing something for 6 hours, just so you can get a 5 min job done right before your shift's over. Not to mention putting up with morons cryin' about it taking 20 min to get down a mile stretch of road. I didn't tell them to come down this road. Sh*t, they saw the road work signs, they should've taken another road," added Darrell.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Man Unexpectedly Finds Love and Future Baby Mama On Online Dating Site.

For Gil Diez and Lisa McGough it was a match made in "Imaginary Heavan", which we're pretty sure is just regular heaven. Thanks to, an internet dating site, these two formed a wonderful partnership. Gil, 32 and a grill cook at a popular fast-food chain, and Lisa, 37 and a hair sweeper at a beauty parlor, met through email response after both searched for the exact opposite they received.

"Well I was a little surprised when my Fun Loving, Adventurous, Beauty Pageant Winning NSNDDVSWCF29ISONSNDSWM25-35YO turned out to be 37YO/ 290lbs. ex-prostitute drug addict mother of 10, that is still on parole for the next six years; but then I guess I wasn't exactly truthful. I said I don't smoke and I do light up the occassional Swisher Sweet Vanilla Cigar, so it didn't feel right to be judgemental, " said Gil of his initial meeting of Lisa.

"Gil wasn't exactly what he said to be either. He said people say he looks like Brad Pitt. True while they both have hair and are white, last time I checked Brad Pitt did not wear braces and have a size 48 waist. I am not certain, but I am pretty sure Brad Pitt doesn't still wear "Spuds McKenzie Rocks Spring Break '88" t-shirts either. Gil is actually a very sweet guy; we hit it off really well and I am sure it won't be long before I will start receiving child support payments from him as well, " said Lisa.

Literally 100's of other people have found pure white-trash love on says site founder and client Warren T. Murphey.

"This sites great, I actually founded it 'cause of my goiter. See I needed to find a lady that liked the goiter, ya' see. That's when I set this thing up and founds my first ex-wife Trudy. She was a freaky summa'bitch; she aint care nuttin about 'dat goiter. Hell, She had three her own. But we's broke up on account here husband got outta jail. So I found me...., " said Murphey.

"I am sorry....I have to vomit.....can I just use your...uh...outside please?, " I interrupted.

Seeing this story was going nowhere I just decided to stop with this report. Best wishes to Gil and Lisa.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Name Society Agrees "Harold" is Worst Name.

The National Society Of Names, in Greenwich, Conn., has revealed this week that the name "Harold" is outright the crappiest name in use. Narrowly beating out "Lemonade", "Harold" ranks at the top of the worst. We got in touch with Dr. Nicholas Robert McCorkle, head of the study, and head nameologist at the NSN.

"The name Harold, we've found, is stupid. It's origins are Nordic, meaning "ruler of war", but the name has since come to mean "smarmy a**hole with glasses", or "psychotic loner ex-nerd", in modern America," said McCorkle.

" This has become evident in Harold Ramis, Harold "Harry" Anderson for the first description, and "Dirty Harry" for the second. Usually Harold's try to escape their fate of nerdiness by calling themselves "Harry" or "Hal", but they are not fooling anyone, we know you are really just a stupid "Harold"...oh god!...just saying that name gives me the chills of scraping styrofoam...I hate it! Why do parents punish their kids this way?"

The study was conducted by polling 20,000 Americans during a 2yr. period. Which has DD wondering why anyone would waste their time doing idiotic, crappy work no one really cares about....then we shut up and continued to do just that.

Harold also beat out Madison, Conner, Clitoris, Stephen(only with the "ph"), Gauge, Jerkface, Thurston, and Ghonereah to round out the top ten worst Names.

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